Saturday, February 21, 2009

The Angel Wins

If I knew how to do it,I would change my picture. I would change it so that the cheeky Lil devil was over the Angel's knee.

I have been emailing with a friend for quite some time.
KT's emails are so thrilling, and the spankings he wants to teach me everything I want to experience. However we did disagree on the Humiliation thing, as that is something I am not into. I have been Humiliated enough over the years.Didn't like it then and I know I would not like it now.
Anyway, we met a few times for coffee and the chemistry was definitely there. We have set up a few play date, but I always seemed to find a reason not to be able to attend.
I have met KT"s wife, she is ill and longer able to be a part of the things they once shared, and she is okay with me being apart of KT's life.
Well last weekend I was very restless,very unsettled. So off I go to the Beach.
As luck would have it No One was there, Just me, along stretch of isolated beach, the gulls, and glorious sea rushing into shore, and a slight wind.
As I sat there on the rock, feeling the ocean spray and becoming one with my surrounding, all the issues that have been going round and round in my head for so long all started to fall into place.
I could even hear the angels laughing at me and saying "See we told you, you have been gone to long."

I thought of KT and what he was offering. Oh how I would love to say yes, and experience so many new things.
But then the fight broke out on my shoulder between the Angel and my LIL Devil.
For awhile I really thought that LIL DEVIL would win,
But, NO, I started really listening to both sides. Both had good points.
But, when all is said and done, I have to be true to me. And stolen moments from time to time with some one who is not free is not for me.
A discrete relationship is not what I want, nor need, I have found that those types of relationships are a dime a dozen. And definitely not for me.
I thought of all the new friends I have made in the spanking community, of which I am still just a lurker.
I thought of all of you, and your blogs, and the wonderful life you share with your partners. And I realized that that is what I truly want.
I thought of my Dear departed hubby, oh how I miss him. We had a good life together. I am sure that had I found this wonderful group of people before he passed away, that we may have been able to bring part of it into our lives.
What I had with him I want again with someone, but I also want more from my partner and I want to be able to give him more.
I realized that when I got home I would have to email KT and try to explain that our play date would never happen and explain why.
So the Angel won and the Lil Devil lost out for now.
Oh how that wee Angel on my shoulder giggled as she did a jig and
kicked my poor we Devil in the butt.
I left the beach with a much lighter heart,and the spring was back in my step.
Yes the angels were right, I have been away from my precious ocean far to long.
For it has always been the strength of the ocean that has brought me back down to earth and helped me get my feet firmly planted once more.

I'm sure I could hear her giggling all the way home.
My wee Devil has been very quiet of late, but I know that she is plotting some sort of revenge.
I have to thank all of you my friends as well. You have all helped me grow so much this past 4 months. You have all helped me come out of my shell. Made me realize that I am not weird.That I do not have two heads.That my feelings are very normal for me.
Thank you for being such wonderful caring people
Lil Sam


Dante d'Amore said...

Though it isn't my place to say something like this, and I realize it might come across as condescending (it's not meant that way at all), my wife passed her sickness on to me and I'm just not up to finding the best way to word it, lol.

So, I'll just say I am proud of you.

You made the right and best choice - and also the tough choice.

If you ever again consider getting into a relationship based upon "stolen moments from time to time with some one who is not free," just listen to the Sugarland song, "Stay."

If you have never heard it, you can watch the video HERE.

If you can't watch videos for any reason, let me know and I will get you an mp3 link.

Anonymous said...

Hi lil sams:
Maybe it's a good thing that you can't change the picture because I think that you really are an Angel. I love to see when you have a new Post, because you write so beautifully and lovingly from your heart. I wish that I lived near the beach, especially right now, cause the weather here is FREEZING. But I know what you mean by how healing it is to be by the ocean. I feel the same way, just being there has a way clearing my mind and energizing my body.
I hope that you find someone that fills are your needs and that you feel comfortable and safe with.
Take care

Tiggs said...

Every angel has her naughty side, that's what makes her appear so angelic!You will weather this storm and be so much better for coming through it in the long run, you'll see. And we're all here pulling for you... lean on us in your moments of weakness!


ronnie said...

Dear lil sams, hello.
What a lovely written post.
I hope it's not too long before you find someone to share your life with and are truly happy.

I used to live by the sea and I always feel at home there, you have made me smile today remembering happy times. I thank you for that.


Hermione said...

Hi lil sam,

Good for you! "What I had with him I want again with someone, but I also want more from my partner and I want to be able to give him more."

You did exactly the right thing. Someone who deserves ALL of you will come along someday.


Lady_Karen_Rebel said...

I hope you find exactly what you are looking for...

{I don't like humiliation either}

Love Karen x

K said...

Making the best choice for the future is often challenging in the present. Good for you for recognizing what you want and not settling for less. :)