If I knew how to do it,I would change my picture. I would change it so that the cheeky Lil devil was over the Angel's knee.
I have been emailing with a friend for quite some time.
KT's emails are so thrilling, and the spankings he wants to teach me everything I want to experience. However we did disagree on the Humiliation thing, as that is something I am not into. I have been Humiliated enough over the years.Didn't like it then and I know I would not like it now.
Anyway, we met a few times for coffee and the chemistry was definitely there. We have set up a few play date, but I always seemed to find a reason not to be able to attend.
I have met KT"s wife, she is ill and longer able to be a part of the things they once shared, and she is okay with me being apart of KT's life.
Well last weekend I was very restless,very unsettled. So off I go to the Beach.
As luck would have it No One was there, Just me, along stretch of isolated beach, the gulls, and glorious sea rushing into shore, and a slight wind.
As I sat there on the rock, feeling the ocean spray and becoming one with my surrounding, all the issues that have been going round and round in my head for so long all started to fall into place.
I could even hear the angels laughing at me and saying "See we told you, you have been gone to long."
I thought of KT and what he was offering. Oh how I would love to say yes, and experience so many new things.
But then the fight broke out on my shoulder between the Angel and my LIL Devil.
For awhile I really thought that LIL DEVIL would win,
But, NO, I started really listening to both sides. Both had good points.
But, when all is said and done, I have to be true to me. And stolen moments from time to time with some one who is not free is not for me.
A discrete relationship is not what I want, nor need, I have found that those types of relationships are a dime a dozen. And definitely not for me.
I thought of all the new friends I have made in the spanking community, of which I am still just a lurker.
I thought of all of you, and your blogs, and the wonderful life you share with your partners. And I realized that that is what I truly want.
I thought of my Dear departed hubby, oh how I miss him. We had a good life together. I am sure that had I found this wonderful group of people before he passed away, that we may have been able to bring part of it into our lives.
What I had with him I want again with someone, but I also want more from my partner and I want to be able to give him more.
I realized that when I got home I would have to email KT and try to explain that our play date would never happen and explain why.
So the Angel won and the Lil Devil lost out for now.
Oh how that wee Angel on my shoulder giggled as she did a jig and
kicked my poor we Devil in the butt.
I left the beach with a much lighter heart,and the spring was back in my step.
Yes the angels were right, I have been away from my precious ocean far to long.
For it has always been the strength of the ocean that has brought me back down to earth and helped me get my feet firmly planted once more.
I'm sure I could hear her giggling all the way home.
My wee Devil has been very quiet of late, but I know that she is plotting some sort of revenge.
I have to thank all of you my friends as well. You have all helped me grow so much this past 4 months. You have all helped me come out of my shell. Made me realize that I am not weird.That I do not have two heads.That my feelings are very normal for me.
Thank you for being such wonderful caring people