Tuesday, February 24, 2009
I have spent more time of late beside my beloved Ocean.
She seemed as restless as I have been.
But there is a difference between her restlessness and mine.
For her restlessness has a purpose as her powerful waves rushing in to shore and back out to sea.
Mine was born of just plain loneliness and being lost for awhile.
Then I finally admitted, that yes I have been away from the ocean far to long. I desperately needed to sit quiet and hear the answers as they are whispered by the gentle breeze that is caused by the waves. And listen to my heart, for the heart does know.
I thought of my last post, and of the war that raged on for a short while, til my decision was made.
I realised a sense of peace that filled my mind and soul once the decision was made.
I then was able to accept my worth and and realised that what I wanted for myself and for a future partner was not unrealistic.
The type of person I am was brought home to me tonight just before I got home from work.
"This morning I filled in for a co-work with a family whose husband suffers from brain injury and paralyses.
Now I was just filling in for 2 hrs.
The wife call my boss and asked that I be oriented so that I could take over the night position while she goes away in 2 wks time."
I truly feel humble and honoured.
So I spent alittle more time by the sea, and once again felt the familiar grounding of my feet, and the gentle calming of my soul.
When I got home I reread my last post, my last angry email from KT, a grateful one from his wife.
I read all the more than welcome comments from my wonderful friends.
Yes, one day I hope to have a loving relationship that fulfills not only my needs but also those of my partner.
A partner who will be the centre of my world and of whose world I will be the centre of.
When that happens I will surly be sharing it with all of you, for you have all share so much with me already,for which I am truly grateful.
I also re read this verse that was given to me over the weekend, by a wonderful client that is paralyzed from polio.
Just had to share it,
"The world in which you were born is just one model of reality.
THE OTHER CULTURES ARE NOT FAILED ATTEMPTS AT BEING YOU
they are unique manifestations of the Human Spirit."
So Yes, the Angel may have won, (and the poor wee devil may still be pouting alittle, but she’ll get over it) but the Angel did win, and it is because of the wonderful influence and gentle guidance of good friends.
God Bless all
Saturday, February 21, 2009
I have been emailing with a friend for quite some time.
KT's emails are so thrilling, and the spankings he wants to teach me everything I want to experience. However we did disagree on the Humiliation thing, as that is something I am not into. I have been Humiliated enough over the years.Didn't like it then and I know I would not like it now.
Anyway, we met a few times for coffee and the chemistry was definitely there. We have set up a few play date, but I always seemed to find a reason not to be able to attend.
I have met KT"s wife, she is ill and longer able to be a part of the things they once shared, and she is okay with me being apart of KT's life.
Well last weekend I was very restless,very unsettled. So off I go to the Beach.
As luck would have it No One was there, Just me, along stretch of isolated beach, the gulls, and glorious sea rushing into shore, and a slight wind.
As I sat there on the rock, feeling the ocean spray and becoming one with my surrounding, all the issues that have been going round and round in my head for so long all started to fall into place.
I could even hear the angels laughing at me and saying "See we told you, you have been gone to long."
I thought of KT and what he was offering. Oh how I would love to say yes, and experience so many new things.
But then the fight broke out on my shoulder between the Angel and my LIL Devil.
For awhile I really thought that LIL DEVIL would win,
But, NO, I started really listening to both sides. Both had good points.
But, when all is said and done, I have to be true to me. And stolen moments from time to time with some one who is not free is not for me.
A discrete relationship is not what I want, nor need, I have found that those types of relationships are a dime a dozen. And definitely not for me.
I thought of all the new friends I have made in the spanking community, of which I am still just a lurker.
I thought of all of you, and your blogs, and the wonderful life you share with your partners. And I realized that that is what I truly want.
I thought of my Dear departed hubby, oh how I miss him. We had a good life together. I am sure that had I found this wonderful group of people before he passed away, that we may have been able to bring part of it into our lives.
What I had with him I want again with someone, but I also want more from my partner and I want to be able to give him more.
I realized that when I got home I would have to email KT and try to explain that our play date would never happen and explain why.
So the Angel won and the Lil Devil lost out for now.
Oh how that wee Angel on my shoulder giggled as she did a jig and
kicked my poor we Devil in the butt.
I left the beach with a much lighter heart,and the spring was back in my step.
Yes the angels were right, I have been away from my precious ocean far to long.
For it has always been the strength of the ocean that has brought me back down to earth and helped me get my feet firmly planted once more.
I'm sure I could hear her giggling all the way home.
My wee Devil has been very quiet of late, but I know that she is plotting some sort of revenge.
I have to thank all of you my friends as well. You have all helped me grow so much this past 4 months. You have all helped me come out of my shell. Made me realize that I am not weird.That I do not have two heads.That my feelings are very normal for me.
Thank you for being such wonderful caring people
Sunday, February 8, 2009
As you see I have finally added a pic to my profile, and both the devil/angel apply to me from time to time.
I really do need to find more time to get into mischief. I am being called alittle angel way to often of late.
And incase I do not get back on before Valentines Day
Happy Valentine's Day to All
I got the following Birthday Meme from Naughty Side of K's Blog, It made be do abit of thinking. Hope you enjoy it, I did. I find it very difficult still to sing ones own praises,
1. Pick your month of birth
2. Copy& paste the traits for all the twelve months (see below) …
3. Next to each trait in your birthday month, do you agree or disagree? Explain why.4. Link back to the person you got the meme from -I got it from Naughty Side of K
Loves reality and abstract.
I do enjoy both, life should be a balance of both
Intelligent and clever.
I have my moments, I like to believe I am intelligent, and I can be very clever
I am able to change my personality to fit the circumstance or company I am in
Average on outside
Attractive on inside
I like to think I am, I know I was in my hubbies eyes
Occasionally, but usually level headed
I am some times
I am until I get to know someone
yes I am
I am honest,
I am very Loyal to my friends and especially my partner
Determined to reach goals.
Have never been more determined to reach goals as I have been this past 3yrs. Have met alot of goals and have more I want to meet.
Yes I do love and need a certain amount of freedom
Rebellious when restricted.
Yes I do rebel when restricted.
A type of taken in hand relationship would be good for me
Yes I do like aggressiveness on both my partners part and my own
Too sensitive and easily hurt.
At one time I was very sensitive and easily hurt, and always hid it,
I am no longer overly sensitive, nor am I easily hurt, I guess I grew up alittle, when I am hurt I no longer hid it. I will usually discuss it with whomever is involved.
Gets angry really easily but does not show it.
I do not get angry easily, and I show it
Dislikes unnecessary things.
This is true to a point
Loves making friends but rarely shows it.
I enjoy making new friends, however I am alittle shy at first.
Daring and stubborn.
I am sometimes very daring. I am also very stubborn when I get something into my head. Must be my Irish and German back ground
I have become very ambitious these past 3 yrs
Realizes dreams and hopes.
Have realised some dreams and hopes of late, and have many more that I hope to realise
Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure.
At times I am sharp, I enjoy entertainment and leisure, and enjoy sharing both with my partner
Romantic on the inside not outside.
I am very romantic both inside and out
Superstitious and ludicrous.
The Irish part of me is Superstitious to a point and I am also ludicrous from time to time
I am not a spendthrift, I have always had to work very hard for my money,and have always had others that I had to support,I am not easily parted from my earnings
Tries to learn to show emotions.
I have no problem showing emotions, and I do show emotions
JANUARY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people’s flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.
FEBRUARY: Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.
MARCH: Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.
APRIL: Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people’s problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.
MAY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.
JUNE: Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.
JULY: Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people’s feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.
AUGUST: Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.
SEPTEMBER: Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people’s mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.
OCTOBER: Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn’t pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.
NOVEMBER: Has a lot of ideas.Difficult to fathom.Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.
DECEMBER: Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.